A friend (let’s call him “Chandler’s Playdaddy” for the sake of privacy) received the following notice from an Amazon seller:
“Just a short note to let you know that your item was gently taken off The Green Fox’s hermetically-sealed shelves with sterilized contamination-free gloves and carefully placed on a royal purple satin pillow as it was lovingly brought to our Readiness Center.
There, a team of 27 employees meticulously inspected your item and polished it up to get it in the best possible condition prior to shipping.
Our packing specialist from Japan lit a scented candle and a hush fell over the crowd as she gently placed your item into the finest gold-lined box that money can buy. Then, cheers erupted all around.
Afterward, we all had a wonderful celebration and the whole party marched down the street to the post office. There, the entire village assembled to sing and dance in joyful merriment, waving Bon Voyage to your package.
Today, the package is on its way to you in our private jet Green Fox One, under the watchful eye of a crack team of ex-Navy Seals to guarantee its safety.
I hope you had a wonderful time shopping at The Green Fox. We sure did! Your picture is on our wall as the Customer of the Year. We’re all exhausted, but can’t wait for you to come back to The Green Fox!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
—
Sigh.”
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